Why do we always hurt the people we love? I am definitely guilty of this. Not only do I hurt them I have been known to bully them. call them names, make them feel shit and worthless and I force them to hate me. I don’t know how to express love and in my lame attempts of protecting them I push them away. Not because I hate them or don’t love them but unbelievably because I love them. I want to see them happy and free yet somehow I make them feel miserable and trapped. I have serous trust issues yet the people I trust and care for the most are the people I hurt.
I say and do the most horrible things and act like a jealous baby, even when I am right, I am wrong and due to the way I express myself I do not deserve to be listened too or respected! Does that make sense? Unfortunately it does to me.
I would beg for forgiveness but I know I do not deserve forgiveness. I would promise that I will never act in such of a way again but I know that these people have no reason whatsoever to believe me, shit I wouldn’t believe me.
It seems to me the more I love somebody the worse I treat them and they deserve better. I am not going to beg for another chance because I do not deserve another chance, I am not going to attempt to defend myself or my actions because I have no defense. All I am going to say is I am fucked in the head, I’m sorry and although you may not believe it and I have a horrible way of expressing it, I fuckin love you!