I’m SORRY!!!

Why do we always hurt the people we love? I am definitely guilty of this. Not only do I hurt them I have been known to bully them. call them names, make them feel shit and worthless and I force them to hate me. I don’t know how to express love and in my lame attempts of protecting them I push them away. Not because I hate them or don’t love them but unbelievably because I love them. I want to see them happy and free yet somehow I make them feel miserable and trapped. I have serous trust issues yet the people I trust and care for the most are the people I hurt.

I say and do the most horrible things and act like a jealous baby, even when I am right, I am wrong and due to the way I express myself I do not deserve to be listened too or respected! Does that make sense? Unfortunately it does to me.

I would beg for forgiveness but I know I do not deserve forgiveness. I would promise that I will never act in such of a way again but I know that these people have no reason whatsoever to believe me, shit I wouldn’t believe me.

It seems to me the more I love somebody the worse I treat them and they deserve better. I am not going to beg for another chance because I do not deserve another chance, I am not going to attempt to defend myself or my actions because I have no defense. All I am going to say is I am fucked in the head, I’m sorry and although you may not believe it and I have a horrible way of expressing it, I fuckin love you!

How to spot a YouTube shill.

There are so many “truthers” and “activists” on YouTube the choice is massive. How many of these are genuine and how do we know who they are? Here are a few things to look for and ways to make sure that you are not necessarily getting the truth because who knows the truth? But at least listening to honest people that are not just puppets, shills and professional liars.

1. VIEW COUNTS and SUBSCRIPTION NUMBERS.

I have been on YouTube for seven years in that time my channel has risen and then been oppressed. Views removed and falling view counts has been a huge problem for me and many others. Some however have not suffered from the same attacks from YouTube, why not? Why are some people experiencing unfair censorship from even their own subscribers while others like Mark Dice, Info Wars, Russell Brand, the Next News Network not? Maybe because YouTube are alright with certain “truthers” because YouTube/Google know that certain “truthers” are actually manipulating or not mentioning very important sections of the truth. If these “truthers” are really telling the truth why are they still seeing millions of views?

2. RECOMMENDED BY YOUTUBE.

YouTube/Google HATE the truth, it puts off corporate advertisers and therefore costs them money. I watch many truthers, some I watch and will not have anything else from them recommended by YouTube others are always on my first page even after watching just one video of theirs.

3. MAINSTREAM MEDIA.

There is NO such thing as bad publicity so when the Mainstream media are “attacking” certain “truthers” they are indeed just helping their viewing figures. Real truthers are very unlikely to be mentioned by the mainstream media. Some of these “truthers have even appeared on the BBC, Fox News, CNN and other corporate networks for debates and discussions, the real will not be invited to such events.

4. WHO THEY CRITICIZE.

They attack people and label them as stupid, this is OK and sometimes undeniable true but they do not attack or even mention the REAL establishment.

5. THEY HAVE FORGOT 911 WAS AN INSIDE JOB.

911 was the cause and the beginning of the war on terror, so why are these “truthers” now backing Donald Trump and his war on terror? Why have so many forgot or ignore the fact that 911 was not an Islamic attack on our freedom? Maybe because they know that mentioning that at this moment in time is not going to help their cause.

6. THEY DISMISS REAL TRUTHERS.

The Young Turks ridiculed Pizzagate, Info Wars and many others have either full dismissed it or at least dismissed very large, important parts of it? Why? How do they know and instead of being dismissive why can’t they show us proof that Pizzagate is false?